Posted by: thedownsideofup | January 25, 2008

Living life one day at a time, is just a saying sometimes….

Weeding through all the crap…..

I told my Momma when I was 9 years old that he was doing what he was to me. My Sister and I would lay in the bed and whisper the things that were happening to me,She didn’t say he was messing with her so I just assumed it hadn’t taken place, of course I was a child. Even though she is 1 year younger than me, she has always been braver. I have always been a wuss. period…. My Momma was brave at the time because he hadn’t started beating her yet, that started after a few more years when we had moved back to Michigan. And a story for a different day….. Anyway she took us girls to the small town Doctor and he told her this: Take your Daughters home and forget this because he will stop if you take care of your wifely duties….. Can you Imagine that, he went to school for all them years to tell a woman she wasn’t having sex enough with her husband, so in some sick and twisted way that meant that she was responsible for him being a Child Molester, I guess he went to the University of Backwoods Redneck.

man-illusion.jpgAfter that I kept my mouth shut because he waited until she had gone somewhere and he grabbed me by the hair and neck, he slammed me up against a wall and said: “If you EVER tell anyone again, I will cut your Mothers heart out and give it to you.” I waited 8 years to tell her he was still messing with me, It was the day of my first wedding at age 17, I waited 8 more years after that to tell the truth, the whole truth, It was after he was dead….

She left him, I mean she went home, told us kids: we are moving back to Michigan and we left…. Of course that was just the beginning of her leaving and going back. He told her I was misunderstood, he hadn’t really done all that, I was young, I was a liar, I hated him for marrying her so I was making up things….. I could go on and on…. To this day I just shake my head when I think about it. She thought, because she couldn’t stand up on her own and make it, because she had so many Kids, No man would want her, she just went back to him….. Back to me being lied about, her trusting what he said over what I said….. back to being molested…… I still Do NOT understand how a Mother can not trust what her Daughter told her….

She always used this line on us, He drugged me….. He would get Spanish fly and put in her drink to make her want sex, the fact was he was trying to get her to agree to do things that were sick and twisted, so she said she was drugged that’s why she fell for his lies….. I could tell you things that would make your skin crawl but I won’t I don’t want a a Child to come in here and read it. It isn’t pretty. But what it is , Is my life… I have learned to cope, to deal. I look over things because I see the beauty in all things,

All things have Beauty, But you have to be willing to open your eyes to see it

I beg you, if you read this and you are being abused, PLEASE get help! don’t silently take it like I did. Do something about it! I have waited years to deal with this, It has cost me more than I can ever tell you . To this day it costs me, something every day…..

Thank you for walking this journey with me, I am taking the time to now deal with it…..




  1. Oh Judy this blog is simply beautiful. You have done such an incredible job. And that video is fantastic. I have never seen it before.

    Just stopped by to keep up. I usually don’t get into blogs that read as books. But, this is one I am definitely going to keep up with.

    I admire you so very,very, much.

    There is simply no way that I could have even begun to design and layout a wordpress like you have done here.

  2. Thank You Jackie, I struggle everyday just to stay positive about life….
    I know I will be ok it’s just these thoughts scream at me sometimes… I need to release them.
    Hugs and Love….J

  3. Hey you have my number….you can call and scream anytime.

    Are you going to get this blog on Technorati? I simply must favor it and I am also going to blogroll this.

    The issues you are discussing are so very,very important for so many!!

    I hope you are having a great day!!

    Much love to you Sugar:-)

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